


I Hope You Dance/Butterflies

by living_dead_parker



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, But also not, Eventual Happy Ending, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Hurt Tony Stark, M/M, Not Captain America Friendly, Not Sam Wilson Friendly, Not Steve Rogers Friendly, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Peter Parker, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, but she's not vital here so there's that, im nicer to wanda here, it's complicated - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-15 10:37:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18497209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/living_dead_parker/pseuds/living_dead_parker
Summary: Tony had been disappointed by Steve in many ways. There was no doubt about that. He'd forgiven each and every letdown, because, at the end of it, Steve is only human. Sure, super-human, but human nonetheless. He'd forgiven each and every letdown because he loved Steve, and he made sure to bounce back from it.





	1. I Hope You Dance

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack

Tony looks down at his suit, feeling beyond nervous. Excited, nervous, delirious, and a tad high because he needed something to calm him down. Sure, no one really wants to be high for their big day, but he can handle himself. That, and it's calming him down a bit. It should wear off in a few anyway.

Looking behind himself in the mirror, he sees Peter standing behind him. There's a smile on the young man's face as he takes in the sight of his mentor. This is the day the older man had been looking forward to for years. Some people were against it, some for the obviously homophobic reasons, others because they felt it was not a match made. But those that felt the latter said their piece and made peace with it. It was Tony's life and all they could do was support him every step of the way. 

Anthony Edward Stark is getting married to his long-time lover, Steven Grant Rogers. 

The idea never crossed his mind years ago, especially given their bumpy past. However, the two seemed like a match made in heaven. At least to Tony. The idea of the man made his heart rate spike, his palms get sweaty. Tony felt the butterflies every time he so much as glanced at the blonde beauty he fell for. Tony fell hard, but he doesn't mind falling forever if it's with Steven. The ocean eyes that he gets lost in bringing him comfort. Tony was infatuated from the moment he laid on eyes on Steve. 

"I think it's time, Tony," Peter mumbles, looking at the clock. Tony turns to his best man, offering him up a smile. Peter had been there for Tony for some time now, at this point, Peter is like his son. Peter was caught in the middle of being totally for the marriage and not too keen on it. On one hand, Tony is extremely happy when he's around Steve. On the other hand, they have such a bumpy past, he's not sure how they got past it. But, Tony's in love, so maybe things will get better from here. 

Tony, nervously, steps out of the room behind Peter. Peter locks his arm through Tony's. As silly as it was, Tony insisted Peter walk him down the aisle, where he'd wait for Steve to arrive and walk down that aisle. Sam would give Steve away and the ceremony would begin. Then, within the hour, they'd be Mr. and Mr. Rogers. Yeah, Tony's ready to give up the name he's had for his whole life until now. Steve didn't want to be known as a Stark, but he never openly admitted it in front of anyone else. Well, except to an eavesdropping Peter. But Peter would never tell a soul. 

The church doors open and one by one, Tony and Steve's groom's men and women are walking down the aisle. Harley with Bucky and Pepper, Rhodey with Nat and Scott with Wanda. Once they all reach their places, Tony is walking down the aisle, arm in arm with Peter. There were tons of people he knew, some vaguely, but recognized nonetheless. Then as they reached the front, everyone sat down and watched as Peter got in place. The sound of the church doors shutting made Tony nervous, knowing that once they reopened, his love will be on the other end, ready to march down the aisle. Tony takes his place and notices Sam's -who was designated to drive Steve to the church- spot empty. He had been given the task to walks Steve down the aisle before giving him away. Everyone found the choice a little odd, as the two have had an oddly close bond. Way too close to be friendly. But no one questioned it. It's Steve's big day too. 

The Bridal Chorus begins playing by a small orchestral band at the corner of the church. Everyone rises again as the doors open and Tony can feel himself begin to tear up. It all felt like it was going too slow for Tony's liking. He just wants the door to hurry up and he wants Steve to be at the altar already so he can plant a big one on the blonde's lips and call him his husband. As the door opens, a chorus of gasps fills the room and then a hushed silence falls over the room. 

Tony had been disappointed by Steve in many ways. There was no doubt about that. He'd forgiven each and every letdown, because, at the end of it, Steve is only human. Sure, super-human, but human nonetheless. He'd forgiven each and every letdown because he loved Steve, and he made sure to bounce back from it. His father neglecting him over a super soldier? Forgiven and forgotten. Hiding and protecting his parent's killer? Forgiven and forgotten. Cheating on him with Sam, not trusting him once, never bothering to learn anything about Tony? Forgiven and forgotten.

But this? This disappointment?

Far too much, the one that broke the camel's back. The last straw, the one that finally made him cave. His heart felt heavy and he felt like he was back in that bunker in Siberia. He felt like he was back in that wormhole, back under the scrutinizing glare of his father. But none of that seemed to hurt as much as this. 

"Tony," Peter and Bucky seem to whisper at the same time. Tony doesn't feel it, and maybe he's numb because he's high or he's numb because he doesn't know how to process this, but he's crying. For the world to see. Tony shakes his head, his breaths coming out labored and shaky. But as stubborn as he is, continues shaking his head. Refusing to believe it. 

"M-maybe he's running late," Tony whimpers. His eyes remain glued to the empty entrance. He nods, deciding that's the lie he'll stick with. That lie will maybe not be a lie, and he is, in fact, running late. But you can only run so late in an isolated island. So, the two men on each side of Tony nod, deciding to stay at his side and wait for the man to appear. Hushed whispers fill the room as phones are being pulled out and Peter just knows this will be under public scrutiny for months, maybe even years to come. Tony sits at the steps of the altar, watching and waiting. 

A minute turns into five, then ten, then thirty. By now, everyone knows what's happening but Tony is too stubborn to let it be. Bucky's phone buzzes, and when he looks down at it, there's a message. At the top, Sam's name. 

  


_'Bucky, I'm sorry to put you through this mess,"_

_  
_

Bucky has to pause, anger filling his senses. Why is Steve apologizing to Bucky? Instead of Tony. Why couldn't he be a man and do it in person, apologize in person in front of all these people?  A cowardice move on Steve's end. 

  


_'I can't get married to Tony. He's not the one for me, and I know how much you loved him. I'm sorry for all the pain that I caused you. I never should have said yes to Tony's proposal. I was insane to think I could ever marry him. He's a great person, but I'm not in love with him. Please forgive me for the mess and the pain that I've caused. I know you'll be better for him than I ever was and while I don't agree with it, maybe he'll be good for you. With love, Steve.'_

_  
_

"He's not coming," Bucky mutters, standing up and walking out of the room. Tony turns to look at Bucky as he walks out, feeling his heart break more. It's all Tony's fault and he doesn't know how to fix it this time. 

Rhodey and Pepper step forward, beginning to dismiss everyone. The room filled with chatter as everyone began to leave. The same words being uttered over and over. 

  


_**"What a shame."** _

_**"Oh, poor Tony."** _

_**"He got what he deserved, Steve was too good for him."** _

_**"Steve is an asshole, how dare he!"** _

_**"They wouldn't have made it past a year."**_  

  


Then in a matter of minutes, the room is silent again. Peter sits down next to Tony, pulling the older man into his arms. The only people allowed to stay back were the groom's men and women, May, Happy, and the other teammates. Tony's sobs fill the room, and he hates showing how broken he is, but he can't hold it back anymore. As May moves to take a seat on Sam's seat, a paper seems to fall out from the name placard with Sam's name on it. May gasps before moving to pick it up. She reads over the front, frowning before stepping forward to hand it to Tony. 

Tony grabs the paper, reading over the words. 

  


_'Tony, please forgive me,'_

  


Tony sighs, looking over the paper before opening it and seeing the familiar scrawling of the man he loves. Unfortunately, he still does. As much as he hates to admit it, he'd go begging on his knees for Steve to return. He'd walk to the end's of the earth, go back up into space if it brings back the man he loves. 

  


_'I hope you don't hate me,'_

  


As much as Tony wants to, he can't. He hates the world, the powers that made this happen. All Tony wanted was Steve and he can't even have him. 

  


_'But I can't do this. I'm not in love with you, and I hope you can understand that. I tried loving you for the past four years, but I just can't bring myself to doing it. I'm in love with Sam and I don't think that'll ever change. The way you felt about me is what I feel for Sam. I didn't know how to say no to you and that was my fault. I shouldn't have lead you on for so long, but it's so hard to say no to the man that gives you everything. I didn't deserve any of it. I hope that you never lose the sense of wonder, that you may never take a single breath for granted. I hope that love never leaves you empty-handed because this wasn't love. I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance, that you never settle for the path of least resistance. Loving might be a mistake, but it's worth making. Don't let my Hellbent heart leave you bitter. Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance, and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. I hope you dance, Tony. I'm sorry I could never give you what you deserved. I'm sorry I'm not what you deserve, because you deserve so much better.'_

_  
_

Tony crumples the paper in his hand, tossing it out on the floor and holding his head in his hands as he sobs. Peter continues holding Tony close to him, not wanting to let go. Peter had a feeling something bad would happen, his senses going off all day. But now that the moment's here, Peter's heart feels heavier. 

Bucky enters the room again, looking around at everyone, his shoulders hanging low as he approaches Tony. Not only does he feel bad, he feels betrayed. At some point, Steve loved Bucky. But Bucky knew Steve fell for Sam. What made it worst was that Bucky always had an inkling but never had the heart to tell Tony. He felt it was selfish to ruin Tony's happiness. But maybe it would have been the right thing to do, to prevent the heartbreak. Not only that but Sam was going along with it too. He was happily going along for the ride and never seemed to stop to think what the stakes were. Sure, Sam had his moments where he'd back off, but he'd always come running back. Love makes some people do stupid things, and it sucks. 

"Tony, let's take you back to your bedroom," Bucky whispers into Tony's ear. Tony shakes his head, not wanting to go and be alone because he doesn't know what he'll do. He doesn't want to be alone, for fear of it all weighing him down lower and lower. However, he doesn't want to be around anyone. He doesn't want to be a burden and he just wants to be alone for the rest of his life. "Please, Peter and I will stay there with you, but please let's get out of here."

Peter rests a hand on Tony, making sure to let him know he'll be there. After minutes of contemplating it, Tony nods, looking up through bloodshot eyes at Bucky and Peter. Bucky and Peter look at each other and nod, grabbing an arm and helping Tony up from his place on the altar. Bucky wraps an arm around Tony, Peter taking the other side, and leading him out, leaving the others to figure out what to do and how to help. 

Peter quietly follows Bucky's lead as the other man whispers into Tony's ear, soft and sweet nothings. 

"We're here for you, Tony."


	2. Slow Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony knew that despite Steve's desire to get away, he couldn't stay away forever. Eventually, he'd come back for one reason or another. Tony just figured it would not be for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very loosely inspired by the song Slow Burn by Kacey Musgraves

Six months. 

It's been six months since the day Tony was supposed to get married. Six months since Steve stood him up at the altar, six months since his heart was broken. Six months seemed to go by fast to Tony. However, six months didn't seem like much now that Steve and Sam are back at the compound. Six months to simmer in the shame and think of how to get back on Tony's good side. Tony knew that despite Steve's desire to get away, he couldn't stay away forever. Eventually, he'd come back for one reason or another. Tony just figured it would not be for him. 

"Tony, honey," Bucky whispers softly into Tony's ear. The man just twists and turns in his spot, grunting and grumbling, not wanting to get up. It's one of those days where it's a little harder to wake up. Bucky chuckles softly, taking a seat on Tony's bed, right behind Tony. "Wake up."

Tony grumbles again, too tired to wake up. But he wants to keep hearing Bucky's voice. It's calming and it's so gentle. Makes him feel safe and warm. "I don't feel like it," Tony mutters under his breath. Bucky picks up on the words, chuckling as he shakes his head.

"I know you don't want to go to this meeting," Bucky says, setting his flesh arm down on Tony's torso. His hand rests on Tony's hand, his fingers finding Tony's and messing with them in an attempt to wake him up. "Frankly, neither do I," Bucky continues, hearing Tony sigh as the man finally sits up. However, their hands never let go nor slip out of each other's grip as Tony gets comfortable. With his free hand, Tony rubs the sleep away from his eyes before looking over at the pale man, a small smile tugging at his lips. "But, unfortunately, we have to be there."

"I just don't see why I-" Tony begins, adding emphasis on himself. "Need to be there, I mean, just have Fury greet them back and do all the standard protocol shit, I don't want to see them." 

Bucky sighs, knowing how it feels. Having to greet the man you once loved and his new love. Seeing how much happier he is, but this time, it's gotta be worst. Because Steve didn't love Tony, and he really loves Sam. At least the feelings were reciprocated for Bucky. He just doesn't know which one hurts worst. 

"I know, baby," Bucky coddles. His tone remains soft and sweet. Something Tony's loved about the man since they got back on good terms. However, Tony wouldn't deny he's feeling something deeper than just friends. But maybe he's just desperate for someone?

"Just say hi to them, tell them where they'll be staying and then ditch them to their own defense," Tony states as if it's that easy. Steve, for some ridiculous reason, wanted Tony to give them the laydown of it all. Bucky's not sure why he would request for the man he stood up to have to see them again, but here they are. 

"Sweetie," Bucky cuts in with that tone. The one that makes Tony go nuts inside. His chest feels full but in a good way. He feels the fluttering, and goddamn he hates admitting that the man gives him butterflies. He hates admitting that he feels something again, he'd much rather not. But here he is, butterflies and sweaty palms. He'd never admit it, not again. "Come on, I'll be there with you. We can even bring Peter along and we'll help you every step of the way."

For some reason, he wants to punch a wall or something. He shouldn't be getting angry at the support, but he is. Tony sits up and paces around the room, his face slowly turning red by the second. Bucky notices the shift in mood, so he remains in his place. Before Bucky can utter another word, Tony finally blows up.

"I hate this," he says softly, almost in a whisper. He turns away from Bucky, knowing he'll never say his piece when he looks into the other man's eyes. He'll get lost and hold it in forever. "I don't want to be treated like some- some fucking fragile thing. I hate that everyone tiptoes around me, but I also hate that everything makes me want to break. I hate that I can't fucking catch a break!" Tony exclaims, his voice booming, becoming louder with each word. Bucky just sits there and listens. 

"I hate that he can just waltz in and ask for me to do this shit as if he didn't hurt me just six months ago. I hate that I can't say no, no matter how much I want to because this is so much bigger than me. I hate that I have to be treated like some little fucking kid. I just want this to be over with, just stay in my bed all day and not have to get up for another ten years," Tony rants. 

Bucky doesn't utter a word. Instead, the two remain in the silence for a few. Tony turns around, arms crossed over his chest. He looks over at Bucky, noticing the way the man looks down at the ground. The tension is thick and Tony doesn't know why, but he can feel it take a turn. He's just not sure if it's for the worst or the best. So they simmer in the silence a little bit longer.

"Steve isn't inherently bad," Bucky begins, knowing it'll get a reaction from Tony. He's hurting, obviously, he won't see that right now. Then again, their situations were different, so Tony does have the right to see him as a bad person. "I've known him for decades, and I know where his heart is because I know him better than anyone."

Tony scoffs. Is he really making excuses for Steve?

"He just doesn't know how to go about things and he winds up hurting people in the process," Bucky continues. "I was in love with him and I knew he was in love with me years ago, he was my best friend and he was my first love," Bucky's voice wavers. He's never really had the chance to mourn that loss, to get over that pain. "But when I came back to, after the whole Siberia thing, I had to get over it because he wasn't the exact same person. Yeah, at the core of it all, he's still that stupid Steve who wanted to be bigger something than himself, but he's not the Steve I knew and fell in love with."

Tony takes a step forward until he's sitting next to Bucky. Bucky doesn't even look up, he just keeps looking down at his feet.

"I was still in love with him when he got with you and he didn't give me any explanation. I had to watch you fall in love with him when I was still in love with him, but I saw how happy we all thought you made him and I had to get over it. Because when you love someone the way I loved him and the way I love you, you want them to be happy. Even if it's not with you. So, I sat in the background and watched it all because I really thought this was it. Then when you proposed, I knew he wasn't in love with you and we all tried to warn you, but we could only do so much. And that's not your fault. But you can't blame Steve for not being in love with you. Blame him for standing you up, blame him and even me for leaving you in that bunker, blame him for everything but don't blame him for not feeling the same because feelings change. People change," Bucky pauses, taking in a deep breath. "He's not a bad person, he just makes bad decisions at bad times. Walk in there with an open mind, and show him you're doing better. Or don't, but just know that the hurt and all the pain won't be there forever." 

When Bucky does look up, he sees Tony already looking up at him. Tony's eyes are glossed over, but they're wide with adoration. He has a small frown tugging at his lips and Bucky watches as Tony swallows thickly, as if his mouth was dry or something. The two just look at each other, seeing all the pain that was there. That is there. 

"I'm sorry," Tony whispers, causing Bucky to shake his head. "I'm being selfish, I know."

"No," Bucky continues shaking his head, trying to convince Tony not to think that way. "You're not. You're in pain and that's fine. I just wanted to let you know that you'll bounce back-"

Tony didn't want to listen anymore. Frankly, he felt the stupid feeling in his chest and in his stomach again. He felt the sweaty palms and the sudden tug at his heart. He couldn't stop himself as he leaned forward and he couldn't stop himself as he attached his lips to Bucky's. He couldn't stop himself when Bucky started kissing back. Bucky kisses back with a fire, sending Tony adrift into cloud nine. 

Bucky pushes Tony down on his back, hovering over the older man, never letting their lips falter or detach. Bucky's hands rest on either side of Tony's head to support him while Tony's hands move up to Bucky's head, fingers tangling in his hair. Their lips move in a passionate fervor, wanting to taste every second every inch they could. However, after a minute or so, the two broke apart, gasping for air. Bucky collapses next to Tony, his silver arm resting on top of Tony's shoulder. 

"I love you, Tony."

Tony stays silent. It doesn't bother Bucky; he knows that it'll take some time for Tony to return the feeling. Tony feels a little bad that he doesn't return the sentiment, but he feels something there for sure. 

"I-" Tony pauses, thinking of what to say, looking for the right words. "I want to give this a shot. I just, want to be able to savor every moment, work up to it myself, you know? Take it slow."

Bucky smiles at Tony, feeling like he can do that for sure. All he's wanted for the past almost five years was a shot at being with Tony. Being able to love him and be loved by him. Maybe this is the first step and as long as he can be with him, that's all he can really ask for. 

"I'm alright with slow." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr: living-dead-parker

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr: living-dead-parker


End file.
